Mish Mash of thoughts...

Well I just realized that it has been so very long since I have posted, and I'm sorry for that. There has been a lot going on over here. The biggest is us just trying to hang on by our fingernail tips to passing and graduating. This rotation Will is on right now could make us or break us. The instructor is notorious for being a real hard.....you know what, and has had numerous complaints lodged against him this year, but being a tenured professor it seems that no one can touch him, and the students just have to "deal with it" as we were told. Will is doing so much right now. He takes the bus so he can get there at 6am (he isn't even supposed to be there till 8:30am) and he has me pick him up at 6:30 pm, and then he is constantly doing homework till around 11:30 at night. He has never had this much homework on a rotation before. We are constantly praying for him to pass. We would hate to loose his good job, and such because of one guy. So we are HIGHLY stressed out with that.

On other accounts, I have constantly found myself thinking this week about how much I have turned into my mother. Not that its a bad thing, but you know how when you were little and your mom would punish you, or say something to you that you didn't like, you would think to yourself, or at least I did, I'm never going to do that to my kids. Well this week, I have said a myriad of phrases I knew I hated when I was a child. Such as "Don't make me turn this car around" or Don't make me come back there..." or my favorite apparently this week is "so help me...." After I would say those phrases, I would catch myself thinking about how holy cow Ive turned into an adult. Yikes!!

We also had to have a huge discussion today in fact with the girls as we were grocery shopping. I was talking about what made each of them special and unique. They were asking me what made them special, and I was telling them. All of a sudden Sabrina asked where my real parents were at. I said "You know that Grandma and Grandpa are in Utah." She looked at me, and in all seriousness said "No mom, your "real" parents." I then figured out she was talking about wanting to know about my birth parents. But I have to admit, I hated hearing that Ugly phrase every time someone would say it to me when I was younger and growing up, and even when my kids asked the question, and being completely innocent, it still stirred up hateful and ugly emotions. I get this defensive attitude right away, and think to myself...are you nuts, or just plain stupid, I have real parents idiot. But I quickly turned that into a teaching moment, and tried to push those hateful and defensive feelings away. I NEVER let my girls see how much I hated those words. I kept the mood high, and explained to them that I have real parents and that Grandma and Grandpa are mommy's real parents. I explained that mommy just has a "birth" mother. And the easy way to remember what she is called is that she was the one who gave birth to mommy, but to be a "real" parent as the girls put it was to be there every night and day and to love me, and care for me, and feed me, and buy me things, just like I do for them. I asked them if I was their real mom, and both chimed in saying yes. I then asked them who mommy's real parents were and they both chimed in "grandma and grandpa". I was satisfied with it, and we moved onto something else, but to still feel those defensive feelings really shocked me that after years of growing up I hadn't been able to get over the feelings like that. I gess when someone thinks that my parents aren't my real parents, especially after all they have done for me, and continue to do, it just makes me infuriated. I guess that will never quite go away. I wasn't expecting to have to have that discussion with my kids, and have it be such a hard discussion to deal with. I thought the "sex" discussion would be hard, but this was just as hard I think. But we got through it, and they totally understood, and I think we can all move on.

Anyway, we also put our foster dog on an airplane today so he could go to his forever home. I hope they enjoy him as much as we enjoyed him. He was a sweet dog. Good Luck Emmett.

I then started a job this week as a cashier at the local grocery store. Some easy work to get us by this last semester so we can stay on top of our bills. So Ive been training for that, and Ive been training to do the phone work in the evenings after everyone has gone to bed.

I have also started school, and I am WAY excited for my class. I am taking theater makeup design. And I am so excited we get to learn professional makeup tips, and I get to use it all for Halloween. We also get to learn how to do prosthetic pieces to totally change the face. Isaac will be helping me as my model, and we are going to turn him into a tiger with prosthetics and all. SO I will post pics as the semester goes on.

Well I think I'm all caught up for now. Now all I need to do is download all my photos and post them too. Man I feel like I'm falling behind.

Our New Home in AZ

Well everyone, I hope you all had a great time ringing in the NEW YEAR! I know we did. All three kids made it to Midnight. Just barely though. Then they rang their pots and pans, and then collapsed into their beds. It was a great evening spending time with them watching movies and having popcorn and playing games.

We have also come to some agreements with a gal in AZ for rental of her home. If we really like it, after two years may even buy it from her. It was built in 2004. It has 4 bedrooms and 2 baths. It has an ionic filtration system in the house, so that's good for Isaac's asthma. The entire house is the 12 inch ceramic tiles on the floor, except for in the bedrooms and that is light beige colored Berber. So even better for cleaning, and allergy sufferers. It has a water softener, and filtration system in the house. It also has a stereo system wired throughout the entire house. Outside it has two big patios. One on one side of the fence that doesn't have the pool, and the other side that does have the pool. They are wired with water misters and ceiling fans (it gets super hot outside) over each patio. Then there is a salt water pool (for those of you who don't know much about this apparently the salt water is better for you than chlorine, and is easier on the surrounding plants, and the hair doesn't turn green). And there is an attached hot tub. All of which is surrounded by an internal fence with a combo lock on the gate, so the kids are safe and can't get to the water without supervision. Then there are already Lemon trees, pink grapefruit trees, and Navel orange trees already planted, and should put on fruit next year. Plus we have permission to plant some Date Palms, and a garden and an avocado bush. I'm really excited for each kid to have their own room, and to be able to live in such a nice house. Please when any of you are on your way to California, or want to come down and warm up during the winters, please stop by. You will always be welcome. We are so excited to be starting this new chapter in our lives. We just have to make it through the next 15 weeks, and we will be on our way to our new start of the new road we will be going down.

Fractured!

Well, we finally had the plows come through here about three hours ago, and now I am just returning from the doctors office. They xrayed my ankle and sure enough it is fractured. I had broken my left ankle many years ago, and it grew back a little abnormal, and apparently I cracked the bone right in the same spot. They say that's normal, since it isn't as strong as the original. SO Im on muscle relaxers and Tylenol, since I am allergic to all opiates, and they are at a very limit of what they can do for pain because of that. Well I guess now that I had survived four days of pain from a fractured ankle, I guess I can face and survive anything. Now if only I can figure out how to itch my ankle between the brace. Have a great evening...I'm going to take my meds and go to sleep. By the way the cookies were great and the kids had tons of fun.

The savages are going wild!!!

Here we are day 4 of being trapped in our home. There is no plows in sight, and they haven't even gotten the "designated snow routes" cleared yet, so what makes me think they will reach our roads anytime soon. I guess just wishful thinking. I am so antsy. I need to get out of the house, but I can't. Even if we were to get out of the driveway, we couldn't get down the street. There are three cars stuck in the 4 way stop in front of our house, along with a 4 x 4 truck stuck as well. Guess my little minivan wouldn't have made it either. We survived Christmas. Santa was very generous this year to the kids, and I greatly appreciate all the help we received from friends and family to make this happen for them. They had a great last Christmas here in Omaha. I guess if we are to be stuck in the house for four days in a row with no end in sight anytime soon, I guess Christmas is a good time. They have been doing great because of all the great toys and such they get to play with. However I'm afraid of what is going to happen when we run out of batteries. I'm still not feeling well. My ankle is about the size of a grapefruit and hurts quite a bit. I had slipped and fallen and heard it pop on Christmas Eve when I let the dogs out. I haven't been able to get to the doctors office to have it looked at because of the snow. Well I better go, the kids want to make cookies right now, so I better go do that with them. Oh yeah and today makes the third time since we moved here in 2006 that church has been cancelled due to bad snow. Arizona is looking better and better everyday. I hope all of you have a great new year.

We Finally Know.....

We Finally know where we are going. We had sort of closed ourselves off from people this past week because we were doing a lot of praying and talking and considering of a few different offers. We wanted to make sure to choose the right place for our family, and I think we did GREAT!!

Here are a few hints as to where we will be going....

1. We NEVER haveto shovel snow again!! (This is a huge plus since we have both slipped on the ice, and then have had to pay some big repairs on our car due to the stupid snow and ice this year so far.)

2. We will be growing dates, oranges and lemons in our backyard. (I made Will promise me a Lemon bush to remind me of my Grandma Lund...You can come suck on them anytime Tiera, and I wont even yell at you that your teeth are going to rot out.)

3. We have one of the biggest canyons in the world right in our backyard.

4. The saying "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" is only about a 4 hour drive to hear.

5. It's probably the world biggest Cat Box!

6. 80% of the world Date crop are grown in our backyard. (Will has an obsession with Dates..he loves them since the surgery. I think they're gross.)

7. We will be able to visit family at least once a month if we wanted, but for sure WAY more often than now because we will be closer.

8. All rental homes have a swimming pool in the backyard, and so we will be swimming all year round. (This is the kids favorite part).

9. There are TONS of Dinosaur museums and quarry's that we will get to see. (This is Isaac's favorite reason)

10. We will have the best time of our lives here, and really begin to enjoy life without school....

Guessed yet!

Do you know yet?

One more chance!

We are going to YUMA, ARIZONA! Will is going to work for a great company called CVS. There are two CVS's in Yuma right now, and they are currently building two more. So in about six months after Will is working there, he will have the opportunity to become what they call a PIC (Pharmacist in Charge) Pharmacist of his own store. SO it will be great. I'm so proud of him. Now if we can manage to pass the rest of the rotations, and then pass the NAPLEX we will be doin great!! Wish us luck in our upcoming adventures. Sorry we have been so shut off from you all. Now hopefully we can all relax a little and enjoy the rest of the holidays

Kira and KISS Tickets!

Well, Ive been pretty busy lately, and so I'm sorry to those of you who use my blog to keep tabs on us. I guess I will just highlight the two Main events that have happened to us.

Kira is a new dog. We are not her permanent family "yet" but we would love to be. We are actually fostering this dog for the American Black and Tan Coon hound Rescue of America. She is the sweetest dog ever. She is housebroken, and LOVE attention. She just love to follow me around the house, and see exactly what I am doing. She also loves to play with Lilly (our dog that is 1/2 beagle and 1/2 black and tan coon hound) She is the epitome of the old hound dog with the huge ears lying on the porch where you need to hold a mirror in front of their nose to make sure they are still alive. (if you haven't figured it out, the fog on the mirror from the breath is the joke-don't feel too bad it took me a few min to figure that saying out too). She just loves to be loved. However she comes at a hefty price, and that's why we are only fostering her right now. She has super high medical bills. She had such a sad life. Some hunter took her to a state park in St. Louis and just dropped her off there to fend for herself. She had been there alone for a while. About four months back a family went camping with their four dogs in that state park. The family children saw Kira, and felt bad for her. They started feeding her dog food while they were camping for the week. The kids wanted her, and the mom said that if she was still there at the end of their trip they could take her home. Obviously when she is being fed she will stick around so they took her home. However the state that she was in was horrible. She could only walk about ten steps before she totally collapsed and had to lie there for a while to get up enough strength to stand again and walk ten or fewer steps again. All her teeth are broken down to hardly anything due to her pillaging through campfires to eat anything, and trying desperately to eat rocky that were covered in grease, and drippings of marshmallows and such. Because of the lack of protein and good food ALL and I mean ALL her fur fell out. She had scabs and sores all over her body. So the lady took her to the river and washer her up got all the flies and crap off her the best she could till she got home to give her a proper scrubbing. After taking her to the vet, they found that with an ultrasound she had no heart worms which is good, but meant she wasn't around other dogs, but she had bad fleas, and a bad skin infection all over, and and underlying yeast infection all over her skin. For the next four months on a weekly basis this poor dog was subjected to Lime Sulphur baths and antibiotics, and so many other pills and creams. So they decided to move her to another foster home because where she was, the lady's four other dogs would gang up and hurt Kira. So they called and asked if I would like to keep her for a while, and even adopt her. I said yes to the first part, but said maybe to the second part. I wanted to make sure the two dogs would get along. And so far they have. Some of Kira's hair is now growing back now that we have her on a grain free food, so its mostly protein, and she gets a hard boiled egg in the morning and in the evening with her antibiotics hidden in each egg. Lilly loves this, cause with the new dog she is getting more and more treats. We have her "hunter orange" sweater on her all the time to prevent her from scratching open her skin and causing her sores to open and not heal. PLUS its cold and she needs to be kept warm, and with no fur thats hard to do. They also hog the bed at night, and take up more space that we do on our own bed. The kids love her to death. Isaac was playing with her ears, and the next thing i hear is "mom look" I turn around and Isaac had ties Kira's ears together on top of her head. It was so funny, and Kira let him do it. She is the "perfect" dog if ever there was one.

Anyway, my next announcement is I won HUGE the other day. I entered a contest with my favorite radio station for a chance to win concert tickets to my ultimate favorite rock band...KISS. I was so disappointed and upset I couldn't go to see them when they were going to be playing so close to me (5 min away). But I figured I would go when will graduated, IF they would still be doing concerts...Paul Stanley had Knee surgery...you know old man stuff. Anyway, I get this phone call on one of the most horrible days I had been having. I was told that I had just won front row tickets to see KISS live in concert. I said no way this is a joke. Sure enough it was no joke at all. I about DIED. I couldn't figure out how to breath or walk. I about hyperventilated on the phone with the DJ. Anyway here is a pic of the tickets...worth over 600$ but I'm not going to scalp them...I'm going to go on a date with Will and we are going to sing and dance, and have a good old time, and party til the cows come home. I have a sitter lined up and everything. My sweet old neighbor from the town home is going to come over and watch the kids. She is so great to do this for us. I haven't had a date with Will since we moved here, and to go to my ultimate concert with him sitting in the front row seats 1 and 2, and getting KISS sweat on me, and touching the stage will be so very awesome. Since I didn't pay for the tickets I'm going to buy a tshirt and one of those memory programs that are so pretty, and frame it all with the tickets for my memory. Maybe I can get one of them to sign it for me. Anyway, eat your heart out KISS fans, I'm gonna "Rock and Roll all day and Party all Night"!

My Cute Trick -or- Treaters

Here are my kids all ready for Halloween. We went to a Branch activity where we had a chili cook off and Trunk or Treat. We went and had a great time. The kids really enjoyed eating the different kinds of chili, and then going to a church parking lot FULL of cars. They got TONS of candy. Then we took them to our usual street behind this local grocery store. We go every year to this same street where there are retired teachers and dentists, and such, so the kids really make out great with pencils, pens, erasers, chap stick, and toothbrushes. Its a great place to go when you don't want to go too far, but yet let the kids get the old fashioned Halloween trick or treating.

Sabrina was so cute as Cleopatra. She really played the part by dancing around and walking like a queen and such. It was so fun to see her dressed up like that. She was so pretty.

Vanessa was Ariel from the little mermaid. She too pranced around like she owned the place, and was so pretty. She had glitter all over so that it made her look wet, like she just got out of the water. She was such a cutie.

Isaac was Wolverine from the X-men. He totally had that down pat. Running around, and using his claws on everything. But he looked so cute.

And then Will dressed up as a Death guy. His eyes lit up under the mask. It was really creepy and cool.

So here are the pics. I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoyed dressing them up and helping them get ready. Hope you all had a great trick or treating experience.

Christmas Memories (Already???)

Yes you read it correctly...I am making Christmas memories already, and it's only OCTOBER!! How you may ask, it's easy...Sabrina, Vanessa and I have been asked to sing in Sacrament meeting for the Christmas program. It was announced yesterday by our Bishop that they needed people with singing and musical talents to come and volunteer to participate, or else we would be sought out, but they preferred volunteering first, and then he listed off a couple names and mine was the first one, all in front of the entire congregation...well, talk about you can't back out then. I took it as a compliment, so I went home, and was looking at songs. Sabrina came up to me and asked me if she could sing with me for the Christmas program...how could I say no to that, and then Vanessa wanted to as well. So there you have it. My girls asking if they could sing with me for the Christmas program. I didn't even think they were paying attention in Sacrament meeting. Sabrina has taken after me, and really has a great voice, and Vanessa does very well too when she isn't so shy. I think if I am up there with them, they will do ok. They helped me pick out the song and everything. SO here is the song. I will be singing all the verses alone, and then all three of us will be singing the chorus. It should go very well.

It is called Breath of Heaven. It is a song from Mary's perspective on carrying the Christ child. It's a really pretty song, and the piano is absolutely stunning. I'm excited to sing with my girls. Wish us luck.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vrSrEOqLiI

Um...Grandma and Grandpa....any chance of a visit around the second week in December? Just curious if you were planning anything.

Reflection...

After hearing the news about my cousins death, I took a selfish turn. I spent some time doing a lot of reflecting. As most of you know (and if you didn't, you do now) know that I fell away from the church and did a lot of terrible things i should have never done. One of those things was to participate in the illegal use of drugs. I had very little if any self esteem due to my weight issues, and Satan knew that. he knew just what to have my old druggie friends tell me to get me to use the heavy drugs that I am so glad I was able to stop. I thought about all the times I went to work high, or drove a car and put myself and others at risk of dying. At first the drugs were fun, and there were no consequences, but the further along it got, and the more I did the drugs, the harder it became to just up and quit. Most people looking in from the outside say its easy to quit, and you just don't want it bad enough to quit. How wrong you all are. Drugs do something to your free agency, and your choices. It takes that all away, and pretty soon you have no agency at all. You become a slave to the drugs. Unfortunately for my dear cousin she became that slave, and had no way of getting out before it totally overtook her and eventually took her life from her. I am so glad that she is now free from that bond. I can't describe the feeling you get when you are able to break free from that hard taskmaster, and finally see with your own eyes what you have become, and finally break free from the downward spiral. It was so hard to stop. I relapsed a few times, but was finally able to stop. Six years later I was able to fully repent of everything, and attend the temple to receive my endowments. Those six years were some of the most difficult in my life. Using drugs and drinking and sex were easy, those took no brains and no moral fortitude. Those took no courage to do. It was easy. The following six years were the roughest years of my life. Unfortunately because of those choices people have expressed very harsh and mis-concepted thoughts about those of us who used drugs or who were adopted. Being adopted didn't make me use drugs, being a fat person didn't make me use drugs. No one made me do anything. i chose to do it by using my free agency, and as one of the consequences that same free agency was taken away. You now may ask how I became selfish the other night after hearing such horrible and sad news. It was very easy. I was able to free myself before it was too late. I was able to learn from my mistakes, and was able to catch myself just in time to be able to continue my journey here on earth. I am so fortunate I was able to do so. Otherwise I wouldn't have my precious children or my wonderful husband. I am so thankful I was able to gather just enough strength to pick myself up and stop the cycle before it was too late. Unfortunately my cousin was not as lucky to do that here in this life, however she is now fully aware of herself, and is in a position where she can now learn and move on, and become the young lady she knew she should and could be. One day we will all get to see that beautiful young lady, and get to know her. She is now able to feel the "bands loosed" and know what it is like to be free. What a marvelous feeling it was to feel that, and how relieved I felt. I'm sure Becky is feeling that now. The relief and the happiness of having those chains loosened. May she know that she will always have a special place in my heart. From one former drug addict to another How wonderful it is now that we are able to see where we are going and where and who we want to be. Isn't it glorious to see the love that the Savior has for all his children. We are now both free from the harsh taskmaster, and both have the eternities to enjoy our family and our Savior. May you enjoy your Peace Becky and know that we had never stopped loving you and neither did your Heavenly Father. God be with you till we meet again.........

I'm now officially OLD and Breaking Down!!!

Oh my gosh, can we say OLD FOGEY! I mean I don't have a foot in the grave yet, and I stress the word YET, but Im getting there. I picked up my Orthopedic Shoes today, and had to switch from oil of olay to something stronger for my sagging and wrinkling skin. Man, when I was little I thought I'd never end up old like this...but here we are age 34 and really in bad shape.

I had to go into the DR. to have my back pains and numb feet looked at. Basically when I would exercise the entire front half of my foot goes completely numb, and no matter how I try to rotate my foot or reposition it, it still goes totally numb. So the Orthopedic Dr. looked at it and come to find out I walk on the outside of my feet, my knees are rotated funny, and my toes are starting to curl up, plus since my weight loss, my once crushing arch has now been able to go back to a high arch...so NO MORE cheap Payless Shoes, well sorta. So I have to have some Metatarsal Bars put on my shoes, and specially made and formed inserts. I feel like a freak with these. But hopefully when I go to test out my tennis shoes tonight at the gym, that I wont be scary on my feet with numb footsies.

Then as I was looking at my face, I realized that I can no longer wear liquid foundation. It melts into all my ever growing creases, and looks so bad. So I changed to powder foundation, and to a new neutrogena hydration and plumping skin rejuvenating crap. And I say Crap, because I'm sure that it wont work. But for a free trial, I am willing to try anything. I have used oil of olay for years now every morning on my clean face, and it just isn't keeping to stinking wrinkles at bay any longer.

May I really feel so old. Ive got old granny shoes, and old granny face lotions. man, when did I get so old...It just snuck up on me and bit me right on the face..feet, and all over!!!

Well here's to trying to fight old age, and slowing it down. It's not going to get me without a HUGE FIGHT!!!!