Ain't this the truth...And my truth HURTS!!

Well, I went to the Dr. finally. I have been hurting for about a week now. I woke up one morning a week ago and for some reason couldn't move my right ring finger and middle finger. Well, I just brushed it of as I slept on it funny, and that it would go away and heal. Every day since then it got worse, and I lost strength in it. Well finally today I couldn't grip a hairbrush enough to brush my own hair, and I couldn't even press on my aerosol can hairspray. I had to have my 7 year old brush my hair for me and spray me. Then when I was trying to make brownies, I couldn't spray the PAM, and I also couldn't turn a door knob to get into the house with my right hand. SO I finally decided I had enuf and went to see the old Dr. I totally messed up my flexor muscled in my right hand, and now have to wear a brace, and go for physical therapy. What in the world did I do to myself in the middle of the night? Did I take up karate and not know it? Or did I beat up on Will in my sleep again? Heaven only knows what I did, but I did it good I guess. It's that stupid old age creeping up on me I just know it. Ain't it great getting old. Here is how I truly feel some mornings......

Lets Change the Parameters!!

Ok, say that these people are members of the church, and you caught them bragging about how they are getting away with welfare fraud, and told you exactly how they are doing it. What would you do then? Would you still mind your own business and let them get away with it and smile at them every Sunday? Especially when they bring in more than 2200 a month and are squandering it on cars, going out to eat, movies, toys for kids, booze, and other stuff, and receiving food stamps and medicaide. Would you still keep quiet, and not say anything even when they are bragging about it all the time?

What would you do?

We were having a discussion at work today about people who commit welfare fraud. We were debating whether or not to turn people in that you know are committing fraud. For instance my co worker found out that someone he knew is committing fraud with the welfare system. However there are little children in the house who will suffer if he turns in his friend for fraud. He isn't sure what to do. We were debating this topic all afternoon. So what I want to know is this...Would you turn them in or not knowing that there are little kids who will suffer if their parents go to jail or get in trouble for this, and also would you tell if they could find out you ratted them out? Just wanting to know your opinion, because this was a pretty heated discussion today at the office. It made for an interesting day, and a very thought provoking day.

Buried Rocks...and Burried Treasures

Will here:

I was taking-advantage of a day "off" that both me and my children had from school. Such days are all-too-rare. Anyway, I used the opportunity to get some help with the massive amount of yardwork that needs to be done before I can mow the grass or till the garden.

While I had the kids work the simpler tasks of cleaning the trash out of the car, putting all the sticks into the fire-pit to be burned later, or just picking-up the trash that the wind delivers from the neighborhood; I decided that it was time for me to tackle a more-strenuious activity.

While I have been re-claiming the sidewalk from Mother Nature, I had been procrastinating the task of removing the few rocks and pavers that testify that the berm in the back yard was once a rock wall. Fewer than about 5% of the wall remains, but the remaining stones present a real danger to a lawnmower, and the operator. So I sighed at yet another difficult task, and set to work digging and prying the stones from their roosts and piling them next to one of the enormous oak trees on the property.

The task was pretty-much as I had expected. It was dirty, sweaty work (despite the cool morning), and I often found that, like an iceberg, 90% of the stones were under the surface. It gave me a real appreciation for Joseph Smith's efforts to move a much-larger stone, once upon a time. While he knew ahead of time what was to be found beneath his stone...I was expecting (and hoping for) "nothing", so that I could repeat the process with the next offending stone. But then I found a surprise waiting for me.

Actually, there were 2 surprises. The first was the fact that, aside from being slightly "clayey", the soil was as close to "perfect" as I had ever handled. It also ran as deep as my shovel had penetrated (about 18" to get under some of the larger stones. It was very encouraging to me to see such deep, rich soil already in place for our garden.

The second surprise was the reason I am writing now. As I first marked-off the spots where I found stones I wanted removed, I noticed something at nearly every site I identified. Among the various weeds sprouting between the winter-weary grass were some strange, broad shoots. After I cleared the first large stone, I got a cut-away view that surprised me. There, now exposed in the hillside were bulbs the size of medium onions attached to very long shoots of almost a foot in length, with the relatively small green shoots just over the surface of the soil.

At the first stone, I had incidentally destroyed many of the neighboring bulbs. But after the second stone, I decided to take more care, in an effort to save and transplant them somewhere in our huge, but chronically-neglected yard. After all, how many more of the bulbs could there be? I got "lucky" to find a second patch of them in the first place. But there were many more stones...and many more bulbs. I have no idea what species of flower they represent. But the more stones I uncovered, the more large, healthy, vigorous bulbs I found next to each stone. Clearly, this was far-cheaper than buying even the cheapest bulbs in a attempt to help this yard look like it is inhabited again.

After I acquired over 50 perfect bulbs, I looked back at the holes I had made in the hillside, and saw that the bulbs had once been part of a pattern that someone else had established. The stones were not random, nor were the bulbs in the deep, rich soil next to each of them. My own experience as a gardener showed me the purpose and pattern that was laid-out long ago, and since abandoned. I knew that someone had placed each stone and cluster of bulbs with considerable thought and effort. In my gardener's eye I could see how beautiful it had once been, about 15 years ago, though the pattern would have been very difficult to notice without getting on my knees and clearing-away the years of weeds...first.

I gave some thought about what lessons this might teach me. For one thing, the next time I have to pry some large stones from the ground, I will take better note of what else lies next to the problematic stones in the hillside. Second, when I see something struggling to grow next to a large stone, I'll treat it with love and respect for it's struggles. Finally, after I am sweaty and dirty from my efforts and look back at the holes where the defiant stones once laid...I'll appreciate the easily-disguised pattern that they reveal to those that are willing to get on their knees to clear-away the weeds; and remember that each bulb and stone was laid in place by someone else who was motivated to make the world a little bit lovelier.

I had the kids help me transplant the best bulbs into our best clay pots. We can't wait to see what flowers will bloom.

Happy Easter, Everyone!

Oh I lied....ITS MORE!!!

HOLY COW....We finally got the final numbers from Creighton Financial Aid. After getting awarded all we could from the government on our own, the final numbers of how short we are have finally come in. Are you ready.....oh yes and don't forget the tuition HIKE....we are short $22,950.00 for the year, meaning we are a little over 7K short each of the three semesters. HOLY COW!!! Some of these Jesuits ought to be ashamed of themselves taking these vow of poverty things, then charging or should I say robbing these poor students blind. I've seen what these "fathers" have in their private offices. I have had two of them as instructors here on campus, and they are all too happy to show you their "stuff". On of them had over 700K dollars worth of photography equipment in his office, and his own private gym equipment (might I add top of the line) and he drives a Hummer. Yah....vow of poverty my rear end. All of this graciously provided by the monies from the students Im sure. You can't tell me that teaching two photography classes a week pays for all of that. If it does...SIGN ME UP!!! Oh wait I can't do that either...Father Schlegal has imposed a hiring freeze, and raise freeze. Go figure.

Well I'm still fasting and praying, however I am no closer to finding a solution to our problem. Even if I sold our Van and started taking public transportation with the kids, and sold everything in our home, we would not even get close to helping pay for just one semester. Ive put in over 45 different applications for employment all with no luck because of the hours I haveto be available for my kids to pick them up from school or drop them off to school. I had a couple offers but I would have had to not pick up the kids from school, or be there for them at all the rest of the day. I would never see them at all, and then Will would be stranded at school as well. It just is not looking good at all. I guess I am just going to haveto eat my pride, and get ready to crawl to relatives. I wanted to do this on my own, I want to provide for my family myself, I feel so stupid, and little when I haveto go to someone else and ask for help. Plus it puts a strain on our relationship for whomever I ask, and I feel unworthy to be around them after asking for help. However I guess in this situation I have done all I can on our own, gone to all the agencies I can, been rejected by all I can be, and I guess now it's time to break down my pride, and crawl to others. It's not that I don't love my extended family...I do, I really do. Thats why I feel like such a failure when I haveto go ask them for help. But now if I don't, we will not finish graduate school, and be in worse conditions than we are now. We will have hundreds of dollars of debt come to us with no way of repaying it, and we would be on housing and food stamps the rest of our lives, and have nothing to show for these past six years of sacrifice. I guess the Lord is trying to teach me humility. What a HARD lesson. I don't like it.

OK A little too harsh...Sorry

OK. I guess I was just a little harsh in my last post. I guess I should be grateful for my kids, and family, and my husband who is so willing to work hard and get good grades to go through Pharmacy school. I guess I should continue to pray and fast as to where this is going to come from. I should count my blessings. I don't think the Lord got us this far, and has helped our little family these last 6 years in school just to leave us hanging now. Somehow he will provide a way. I hope. Faith Amber....Faith Amber!!!!

I HATE MONEY!!

I am so mad right now at Creighton. They accept you, you go through school work your you know what off to get good grades, and then they tell you "oh by the way your last year now is not just two semesters, its 3, and each semester will cost you a little over 17000 US Dollars, but we are only going to give you student loans again for two semesters, you haveto come up with the rest." Yah ok, and how do we do that. Our credit is crap, I have a job that I can not get any extra hours anymore, AND I just found out today that there will be NO raises either because of the hiring and job freeze Father Schlegal imposed at Creighton...yet he has a tanning bed in his office. I am trying to take care of three kids, myself, my husband, and now this. I asked them if they had anything for students in our situation. Wanna know what they said..."we usually have about three or four students who wash out of the program this last year because they couldn't pay for it." Are your freaking serious! You will let them work their tushies off only to kick them out and not work with them financially to graduate especially this close to graduation. I AM PISSED right now. I can't believe there is nothing there for students in our situation except to wash out. That's not fair to Will. SO I have no clue where to go from here. I have tried scholarships, I am going to school so I can take out loans to help pay for his tuition, I have looked for even more work for the last four weeks with nothing available...even flipping burgers doesn't need help right now, I am at my wits end. GRRRRRRRR!!

Green - Green - Green!!

HAPPY GREEN DAY!! Well early. I have classes on Tuesday evening, so we decided to do our St. Patricks Day meals today. So with a full bottle of green food coloring, and some imagination, we had a fun day. We also went to the Rose Theater to see a plat called "Cajun, Little Red Riding Hood". It was very funny with an alligator instead of a wolf, and Gumbo instead of Chicken soup for the grandma, and living in the Bayou and going down the river to grandma's house, and running into Mardi Gras and all. It was really fun and cute.


So for breakfast we had Green Eggs and Ham with Homemade green toast and green milk. For Lunch we had green nachos with green pear applesauce and green cookies with more green milk. And for dinner we had green mashed potatoes, Lima beans, green bread, green gravy and chicken cordon bleu's. Then for dessert we had green refrigerated cheesecake. And to drink we had green colored white grape juice. Overall the kids had a blast, and it was nice to get into a somewhat normal routine. Enjoy the pics!! Oh yah, and today got to 45 degrees, which was nice, and guess what tomorrow will be warmer, and Monday it is supposed to be 72 degrees!!! YAH!!

Green Eggs and Ham with homemade green bread and green milk.

FREEEEEZZZZZZIIIIIIINNNNGGGGG!!!

OK, so where is this thing called "Spring"? We are supposedto be on "Spring Break". Yah, with O degree weather yesterday, and only 15 degrees today, it is freezing. Way to cold to go outside. I feel bad that my mother in law had to move during this cold snap. It was so nice the day before on Monday when it was 57 degrees. Then all of a sudden it drops to zero and then a high today of 15. NOT COOL. THIS IS A MEAN TRICK!! But the weather says that it should be about 45 degrees tomorrow, so hopefully things will get better. Maybe this weekend it will be nice enuf to go to the zoo. Here are some pics of the kids enjoying outside on Monday after school.

Moving on...

Well I have decided that I am going to move on. Thank you to all who have given thoughts to me and kept us in your prayers. We have just had our share of stuff dealt to us. Hopefully we are on the downside of bad things, and are in for some good things to happen soon. I am just going to move on with life, and go with whatever may come. I'm tired of feeling bad, and I'm sure my kids are aching to get back a routine and back to normal family life. So since this week Will and I have school off, when we get the kids from their classes we will be taking them to the zoo, and some other fun places. Wills mom and all of us will just have to grin and bear it for one year, and then all of this can hopefully go away, and never be spoken of again. For now I need to concentrate on my little ones, and as long as we have a roof over our heads, and I can keep it as clean as I can, then I guess the other stuff can just be imagined away. I'm looking forward to some fun outdoors time. I hate winter. Just like my mom wrote on her photo blog. She hates winter too. I think all of us hate winter at one point or another. Well, I am off to unpack my camera, and take it out of the house for some fun times. I will post some pics in a few days of our adventures.