Wishful...

Well, today is sort of a downer post. So if you don't want to read that's fine. If this is supposed to be like my journal, then I guess this is as good as any place to write. I am just so tired, and down. I am tired of this housing fiasco. The people that the Landlord sends over are robbing him blind since he has so many properties to care for, he cant watch his people. This lady is a "professional" painter and house cleaner. I saw what she said took her "all day" to do, and it would have taken me two hours to do, and a much better job might I add if I did it. I am just so embarrassed for myself when Will's mom comes next week. The upstairs is just not looking good, and I wanted to make some curtains and such to cover the windows and make the place look nice. Problem is I have spent so much money on repairs and fixing up our part of the house, and paying for showers, and laundry and such that I am completely tapped out. I have nothing. I just cry at nights because I am so embarrassed by the place we live in, and how we have had to live for the last week and a half. I feel bad for my kids, and for Will. All of us are crabby and tired and are out of our routines, and I can't seem to snap anything back into place. I feel like I am on a ship that is sinking and I can't get off. Nothing is going right, and yes we have a week off of school for spring break, but I still have to work, which thank my lucky stars I still have, and we have no money to do anything fun. It is just so hard to see my kids go without right now. I'm tired of living on so little (if you call it living). Anyway, I just hope that we can get this house put in shape and livable for the next year. It is only for a year. I think I can do it. I've just never had to live in such a horrible house that is being held together with what seems like duct tape. Maybe if the termites stop holding hands the entire house will fall down. The landlord even made a joke or I hope it was a joke. He suggested that we buy this property from him. I told him we were going back to Utah, and that is wasn't a possibility at all. He seemed a little down for a second as if I just gave him bad news. I am so glad we didn't buy a piece of garbage like this, or I would be jumping off the roof or setting the place on fire first chance I got. No way will I ever live in a dump like this again. This is only and I stress ONLY because we are on section 8 housing that we have to live like this. Anyway, sorry to be so down, but I needed a place to vent, and I guess this was it. Thanks for listening.