I WISH...

I wish I could express exactly what is in my heart. There are no words for the pain and sadness I have felt this week for my dear brother and his sweet wife. I have freequently stopped at random and prayed to my Heavenly father for help this entire week. I have prayed for the strength to be able to cope with this loss of such a sweet little spirit. I have prayed un behalf of my brother to be able to have the strength to deal with this tragedy. I have prayed for my sister in law to be able to have the strength to get up each day and be able to continue to love and be loved. I have prayed for help in being more loving to my own children, and not take them or their love for granted. I have prayed so many times for peace, and love.

I am the oldest of five kids, and this past week, I have really felt such hurt for my brother. I have felt so helpless. I wanted so much to take away all this pain that he and his wife have had to endure. As an older sister I felt that my ability to protect my brothers and sisters was taken away. I felt as though all I could do was watch as he hurt. I wanted to make everything better for him and Michelle make it so they didn't haveto hurt any more. I love my family so very much, and I feel a protectiveness over them that is not explained. I wish both he and Michelle could see how much I love them both. How much it hurts me to see them haveto go through this. However then I realize what we have all come to realize this past week, and that is that we all have the gospel in our lives. We will all betogether as a family once again after this life. I realized that even though this was such a great loss, this was also a great blessing. Our family is ever closer. Our family has seen that no matter what may happen, and no matter what sorrow or trial may lie ahead our FAMILY is always there for eachother.

Though the days and even months to follow will be tough, we are all there for one another and that gives me comfort. I also found comfort in a song that I have always sang to my kids before they would fall asleep for the night. Each night they would say "Mommy please tuck me into bed", and most of the time I would do it happily. It always consited of me tucking them into their blankets, kissing them, and then singing them the song "Till we Meet Again". Don't ask me why they always ask for that song, but for the last year that is the only song they ever want me to sing. Like I was saying earlier, Most of the time I would gladly do it, and then there were times when I was watching a movie or doing the bills or something where I just didn't feel like doing it that night. I did it again tonight for the first time since we came back from our trip to Utah for the funeral. I was more than happy to do this task, and atually felt privdledged to do it this evening. I sang the song "Till we meet again" and somehow tonight it had so much more meaning than it had before. To see how happy my children were after I did this, made my heart ache for Jaron and Michelle. I haveto admit I couldn't get though the song completely the first time, since I was crying. But then I got through it the second time.

My only wish is that I lived so much closer so that I am able to be there for my family and especially for my little brother and his wife right now. I hope that they will be able to know of my love for them, and feel my love. These two wonderful people showed me their strength and love for eachother and for the gospel this past week. I am truly amazed at how strong of an example and how strong of a testimony these two have. They truly understand the plan that the Lord has for them. I admire their strength, and their love and wisdom. They are truly an example to me. I love them both.

Jaron and Michelle, I hope you will continue to love eachother and strengthen eachother as the days and months progress. I have learned so much from you two in these past few days. I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to meet Gavin, and see just what a giant of a spirit he truly was. Your sweet little family will be in my hear and my prayers continually. You two truly are spiritual giants, and Gavin was way too perfect for this world. How grateful I am that the Lord was merciful to him, and took him back home to avoid all this unpleasantness. May the spirit bolster you up, and may you always look to the Lord for peace. I love you both!!