Well here I am using a few moments to update you all on day one, before I haul all the kids outside into the pool to exercise.
I think we did pretty good today. When I look at it I think we had a few too many carbs, but I will soon cut most of those down as well. For breakfast we had: 3 small pancakes. For Lunch we had a 2in slice from a 5 foot long hoagi sandwich, a small amount of corn chips, and some raw carrots and broccoli with ranch. I used salsa for my veggies only because since my gastric bypass surgery I get sicker than a dog when I eat Ranch dressing. Then for dinner we used a hot dog bun with some pulled pork in it, and 1/2 cup of frozen corn cooked. I also baked homemade choc chip cookies, and froze all of them but ten, this way each of us had two. I also packaged them in the freezer in groups of ten. Same reason..Two each when I do thaw them out.
Overall it was a good day. Our first day without candy..this one is pretty simple since we really don't eat much candy. First day with no soda..this one is HUGE since we were big soda drinkers. First day with no major processed foods. That's another big one since most of our food was prepared out of a box or can. And the first day of the rest of our lives.
Overall I say it was a success. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and well wishes. This is a huge issue with me and has been all my life. Unfortunately I passed it onto my children, and now I must undo the damage I have caused. I hope and pray this gets us to where we need to be, and will help us all to be happier and healthier.
Again, many thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. I love you all.
A blog about my family, my life, my designs, about who I am. Mostly a blog about Second Chances and the wonderful things that come from that.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
I hate myself, and It's gonna stop now!!
I have been crying the last few hours as I have been contemplating on what to do. I am the worst mother ever. I love my kids, and want the best for them, but do I really? I say I do, but my actions say something totally different.
It started with my conversation with Sabrina this morning, it goes as follows...
Sabrina came to me with her head hung low and said "Mom, your gonna be so mad at me."
Me: "No I'm not mad at you why would you say something like that?"
Sabrina: "Mom, I weigh 181 pounds."
Me: "No you don't hon, I think you read it wrong, go do it again."
Sabrina: "OK mom, I'll be right back."
***2 min. pass***
Sabrina: "Mom, I was wrong, it's really 180.1 pounds."
Me: "OK honey, please go play for a little bit OK."
Sabrina: "OK mom"
I DIED a little bit today. I struggled with weight all my life, and now I put that disease upon my daughter as well. Then I decided to weigh all the kids. I couldn't believe it. I have to do something, and I have to do something so drastic for the whole family. I can't just do it for me, or Sabrina or any of us alone, we must do this as a family.
I closed my bedroom door, and prayed and thought about this very hard. I love my kids and my family. What would I do if I lost one of them to something I could control? I'm frustrated and sickened by this whole "Anthony case" that's in the news, but can I really control that? No I can't, but I can certainly control this. And so here I am. A broken mom, who feels like I have let down my entire family, and myself. I started to read up on different things to try and do, and it seems like I have started some sort of all of these things and we do well for about a day or three, but then we fall back into our old habits, and I give up. I can't do that anymore. It has to stop now, and it has to work this time.
I thought we were doing well, Sabrina and the kids only went up one size in clothing from last year. I was so proud of them, but then to see the scale results just made me sick to my stomach.
Will keeps pressing the idea of more kids. That's fine, and I'm all for that, but NOT until I can manage the ones I have now. I am letting them down as their mother. How am I to be a good mom, if I don't do anything, and just keep adding to the problem. So here is what I'm doing, and have done...
1. NO MORE SODA - Oh my goodness, we go through so much Diet soda it isn't funny. I know its Diet, and Will tells me its fine, and that Diet soda is fine, but how is it fine when that's all the kids and I and He want to drink. How is it fine when I crave the carbonation so badly that when I haven't had a cola in more than two days, I start dreaming and thinking about it till I get one. That's an addiction, and that has to stop. Reading the Word of Wisdom, doesn't state anything about soda or caffeine, but it DOES state that anything whether it be other types of food or beverage that has a hold on you is something you need to eliminate, and it is covered in the word of wisdom. So, as of today...no more soda.
2. NO MORE FAST FOOD - Here is another one. It's HOT here, and I'm not kidding. I use that as an excuse all the time that it's too hot to cook, so I go out and get something. I make so many excuses as to why I don't want to cook...I'm tired, or I'm sick, or its too hot, or I don't have all the ingredients. I look at our budget and just because we can afford fast food doesn't mean we should. So from not on my children have had their LAST happy meal, and I have had my LAST 2 taco meal from Jack in the box.
3. NO MORE PROCESSED FOODS - I looked in my cupboards, and too my surprise almost EVERYTHING came in a box or can. What am I feeding our bodies. Did Adam and Eve go to their hut, and look at which canned or boxed food they could prepare quickly? NO!! Did our pioneer ancestors look for can openers to open a can of ravioli for dinner? NO!! So neither shall I. Processed foods...out the door you go.
4. NO MORE SUGARS - Now I don't know the difference between simple sugars or complex sugars, but I'm sure I will. I will be using honey to cook with, and sweeten things. We will be eating fruit to get our sugars. No more ice cream bars, or cakes, or cookies, or anything of the like. We are here in a hot climate, so we need cold stuff to quench that. Well here we go... good old fashioned fruit sorbet, and such.
5. NO MORE CHIPS, COOKIES, FRIES, CRACKERS, or anything I didn't make myself with simple ingredients. All of this is fattening, and I need to do something drastic.
I will be baking a lot, and I mean a lot. I will be making my kids lunches for school, and writing a letter to my kids principal. The reason I say this, is that when I tried to put Sabrina on a diet before, I sent her a homemade lunch consisting of a salad with a cheese stick, and grapes, and a sugar free cookie, and the teacher looked at it, and told her she will be eating school lunch because there was not enough food in her lunch for her. So she went from a good for you lunch to eating an 800 calorie lunch. How are parents supposed to help their kids if the teachers are undermining us? After that I just paid for all their lunches, and didn't have to deal with it again. No more, I am taking back control of my kids lunches.
I want my kids to be happy and healthy. I want them to have many friends, and be able to participate in fun activities. But if they are fat and or dead, I can't do any of that. I know your saying to yourself, wow she's over reacting, and maybe I am, but I need to. Things need to change BEFORE its too late.
We will all be getting in the pool and doing water aerobics for an hour each night, and when the weather is too cold, we will be using the elliptical machine in our front room then and take turns. We will only allow two hours of TV per day. This one will be hard as it is SUPER HOT in the house, but we will have to learn to do other things. I will allow them to play the Wii Just Dance and Wii Just Dance 2 as long as they want and as often as they want. There will be no restrictions on that. If they want to dance for an hour, fine by me. Have you tried it...it's tough and you break a good sweat after about 20 min.
Anyway, I need to do all this not just for myself and for weight loss, but for my kids and their health and life. Here's to me, and my lofty goals, but I need to do this. I really do. If you have any good veggie recipes, or whole foods recipes, please let me know. Id love to have them and try them. But as for now, we are going back to basics, and eating the basics.
I will get my camera photos downloaded, and try to update some more on here with pics. But I needed to put all this in writing, and get it all out, before I lost my courage, and my determination. This way I can read it over and over again, and remember this feeling when I want to be lazy and just go through a drive through, or something. Thanks for listening, and letting me rant. I love you all, and miss you all. Can't wait to see family the end of this month. Ive missed you all.
It started with my conversation with Sabrina this morning, it goes as follows...
Sabrina came to me with her head hung low and said "Mom, your gonna be so mad at me."
Me: "No I'm not mad at you why would you say something like that?"
Sabrina: "Mom, I weigh 181 pounds."
Me: "No you don't hon, I think you read it wrong, go do it again."
Sabrina: "OK mom, I'll be right back."
***2 min. pass***
Sabrina: "Mom, I was wrong, it's really 180.1 pounds."
Me: "OK honey, please go play for a little bit OK."
Sabrina: "OK mom"
I DIED a little bit today. I struggled with weight all my life, and now I put that disease upon my daughter as well. Then I decided to weigh all the kids. I couldn't believe it. I have to do something, and I have to do something so drastic for the whole family. I can't just do it for me, or Sabrina or any of us alone, we must do this as a family.
I closed my bedroom door, and prayed and thought about this very hard. I love my kids and my family. What would I do if I lost one of them to something I could control? I'm frustrated and sickened by this whole "Anthony case" that's in the news, but can I really control that? No I can't, but I can certainly control this. And so here I am. A broken mom, who feels like I have let down my entire family, and myself. I started to read up on different things to try and do, and it seems like I have started some sort of all of these things and we do well for about a day or three, but then we fall back into our old habits, and I give up. I can't do that anymore. It has to stop now, and it has to work this time.
I thought we were doing well, Sabrina and the kids only went up one size in clothing from last year. I was so proud of them, but then to see the scale results just made me sick to my stomach.
Will keeps pressing the idea of more kids. That's fine, and I'm all for that, but NOT until I can manage the ones I have now. I am letting them down as their mother. How am I to be a good mom, if I don't do anything, and just keep adding to the problem. So here is what I'm doing, and have done...
1. NO MORE SODA - Oh my goodness, we go through so much Diet soda it isn't funny. I know its Diet, and Will tells me its fine, and that Diet soda is fine, but how is it fine when that's all the kids and I and He want to drink. How is it fine when I crave the carbonation so badly that when I haven't had a cola in more than two days, I start dreaming and thinking about it till I get one. That's an addiction, and that has to stop. Reading the Word of Wisdom, doesn't state anything about soda or caffeine, but it DOES state that anything whether it be other types of food or beverage that has a hold on you is something you need to eliminate, and it is covered in the word of wisdom. So, as of today...no more soda.
2. NO MORE FAST FOOD - Here is another one. It's HOT here, and I'm not kidding. I use that as an excuse all the time that it's too hot to cook, so I go out and get something. I make so many excuses as to why I don't want to cook...I'm tired, or I'm sick, or its too hot, or I don't have all the ingredients. I look at our budget and just because we can afford fast food doesn't mean we should. So from not on my children have had their LAST happy meal, and I have had my LAST 2 taco meal from Jack in the box.
3. NO MORE PROCESSED FOODS - I looked in my cupboards, and too my surprise almost EVERYTHING came in a box or can. What am I feeding our bodies. Did Adam and Eve go to their hut, and look at which canned or boxed food they could prepare quickly? NO!! Did our pioneer ancestors look for can openers to open a can of ravioli for dinner? NO!! So neither shall I. Processed foods...out the door you go.
4. NO MORE SUGARS - Now I don't know the difference between simple sugars or complex sugars, but I'm sure I will. I will be using honey to cook with, and sweeten things. We will be eating fruit to get our sugars. No more ice cream bars, or cakes, or cookies, or anything of the like. We are here in a hot climate, so we need cold stuff to quench that. Well here we go... good old fashioned fruit sorbet, and such.
5. NO MORE CHIPS, COOKIES, FRIES, CRACKERS, or anything I didn't make myself with simple ingredients. All of this is fattening, and I need to do something drastic.
I will be baking a lot, and I mean a lot. I will be making my kids lunches for school, and writing a letter to my kids principal. The reason I say this, is that when I tried to put Sabrina on a diet before, I sent her a homemade lunch consisting of a salad with a cheese stick, and grapes, and a sugar free cookie, and the teacher looked at it, and told her she will be eating school lunch because there was not enough food in her lunch for her. So she went from a good for you lunch to eating an 800 calorie lunch. How are parents supposed to help their kids if the teachers are undermining us? After that I just paid for all their lunches, and didn't have to deal with it again. No more, I am taking back control of my kids lunches.
I want my kids to be happy and healthy. I want them to have many friends, and be able to participate in fun activities. But if they are fat and or dead, I can't do any of that. I know your saying to yourself, wow she's over reacting, and maybe I am, but I need to. Things need to change BEFORE its too late.
We will all be getting in the pool and doing water aerobics for an hour each night, and when the weather is too cold, we will be using the elliptical machine in our front room then and take turns. We will only allow two hours of TV per day. This one will be hard as it is SUPER HOT in the house, but we will have to learn to do other things. I will allow them to play the Wii Just Dance and Wii Just Dance 2 as long as they want and as often as they want. There will be no restrictions on that. If they want to dance for an hour, fine by me. Have you tried it...it's tough and you break a good sweat after about 20 min.
Anyway, I need to do all this not just for myself and for weight loss, but for my kids and their health and life. Here's to me, and my lofty goals, but I need to do this. I really do. If you have any good veggie recipes, or whole foods recipes, please let me know. Id love to have them and try them. But as for now, we are going back to basics, and eating the basics.
I will get my camera photos downloaded, and try to update some more on here with pics. But I needed to put all this in writing, and get it all out, before I lost my courage, and my determination. This way I can read it over and over again, and remember this feeling when I want to be lazy and just go through a drive through, or something. Thanks for listening, and letting me rant. I love you all, and miss you all. Can't wait to see family the end of this month. Ive missed you all.
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